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10/27/99- (Rooters)- In a shocking turn of events, 97 year old former World Wrestling Federation women’s camp Fabulous Moolah filed a $140 million sexual harassment lawsuit in a Connecticut court late this afternoon.
Among the allegations in the suit are that Jerry Brisco, Tony Garea and Arnold Skaaland had the WWF belt taken from her Monday when she rebuked their sexual advances after each achieved their annual erections, according to the papers filed in court.
In addition, Moolah alleges that she was stripped of the belt when she refused to do a lesbian angle with Mae Young. According to the suit, WWF officials requested Moolah and Young violate each other with shuffleboard cues on camera, but both refused.
“These charges are absolute bullshit” replied WWF attorney Jerry McDevitt this evening. “The most ridiculous charge was that WWF workers covered her gym bag with feces. What actually happened was Moolah’s colostomy bag exploded.”
No word on how this will affect Moolah’s naked layout in next months Modern Maturity magazine, as the WWF claims it owns the rights to Moolah’s name.
Rumor has it that Moolah will appear in the handicapped section in the crowd at this Monday’s Nitro, sources say.
“Moolah will be buying her own ticket” said Moolah’s lawyer, Ira Rothstein. “After all, at her age she is entitled to a senior discount.”
Developing . . .
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You asked for some random thoughts on the Vince Russo written 10/25 Nitro, so hear you go.
First, no matter how much the show would have sucked, I was going to like it. After all this is NITRO right? Donald Duck and Goofy could have written this show and it would have been tons better than the pablum WCW has been puking for the past two years.
Overall I enjoyed it. For the first time in years, I feel that we can start chalking one up for the good guys, as the right people seem to be getting over. Of course, the WCW dressing room is the biggest pit of vipers on the face of the earth. Even if Russo and Ferrera get over, you know that there is always that chance that Hogan, Nash and even Flair will doublecross them and get them run.
That will NOT happen if the ratings keep going up. Well, then again, this IS WCW. Hopefully Bill Busch will stick to his guns and let these guys see this through.
The funny thing is, as poorly as Eric Bischoff was running this promotion, it wasn’t until these last two shows that I realized how REALLY FAR Eric Bischoff had his brill-creamed head up his ASS! Russo’s early efforts are certainly an improvement over Master P yelling “Whoo-dee-who!” for $200,000 a night and lip-synched KISS concerts.
I am enjoying the Filthy Animals v Revolution feud. The Outsiders are allowing to be, well the Outsiders again. Their “match” versus the blonde bimbos would have been an incredible abomination except that no one was taking it seriously and Tony Schiavone made it clear it was simply a ratings ploy.
Steve Borden was very engaging coming out sans the getup and doing the promo with JJ Dillon. Someone is reading the Ugly Truth. Steve Borden without the makeup has TONS heel potential if someone would work with the guy. But once he puts his Crow clown makeup back on, he is Sting, and I don’t buy Sting as a heel.
I would even consider doing a Muta type deal with Steve Borden- book him as two separate wrestlers with two gimmicks. There I go armchair booking again. Yeah like Vince Russo reads PWBTS. Oh yeah, Sting came out without his makeup.
The old timers realizing that their day in the sun is over, so they do crazy violent things to the younger wrestlers to keep their jobs, ala Curt Hennig and possibly Randy Savage was a good idea as well. Rumor has it Hulk Hogan is going to leave for a while and return as the rebellious Terry Bollea. This would be cool, though I’m not sure HOW cool since Bollea looks to be 70 years old.
Oh and by the way- matching Meng with Madusa was hilarious! How funny would it have been if Meng had a flashback to his Florida days and thought Madusa was Jesse Barr, and tried to take out her eye with a pencil? Well considering Madusa is a woman, I guess it wouldn't be very funny at all.
Then again, Vince Russo IS the booker. Hey if we can have Jeff Jarrett figure-fouring some UPN internet download harlot, why can’t we have Meng shoot on Alundra Blayze? Now THAT would get ratings. I digress.
Obviously there is a lot of work to be done. The timing was off in many segments, but then again, the WWF is head and shoulders above WCW in its production work. Some might get in a BIT of hot water over the Hall-Nash match, but if WCW were smart, they would have run it by Turners Standards and Practices first.
The other thing is- Nitro needs to be two hours if they are going to keep the viewers tuned into “Crash TV”. Three hours of Russo’s bastardization of a wrestling program is way too much.
A final point- don’t give me this “Powers that Be” nonsense. Make it point blank obvious! At the beginning of the next few Nitros, SHOW Russo HANDING OUT SCRIPTS to the wrestlers! Have Yngwie Schiavone say know one knows what is written on these scripts, so STAY TUNED!
I hate to expose the business, but let’s face reality- the whole reason for all this buzz is because I’d say HALF of the fans watching KNOW that the writer of Raw is now writing Nitro. May as well make some cheesy ratings points out of it!
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As reported in this week’s Japanese-Mexican Wrestling News Summary, Antonio Inoki’s 11/7 show in North Korea was cancelled.
Well, THAT certainly is a surprise. I’ve NEVER known Inoki for working everyone in the business about this big show he is having, or that big show he is having, then nothing ever materializes.
Antonio Inoki might just be the biggest BS artist in the history of the business. But then again, when you look up the word “credible” in Webster’s, I highly doubt that Tony the Chin’s mug is going to be there any time soon!
After all, isn’t this the guy that was banned from Japanese TV for years after he was involved in a Senate scandal?
Yep. And the same guy who disgraced and dishonored himself, the Japanese people and the wrestling business by skimming New Japan money for a failed cattle ranch scheme in Brazil.
Allegedly.
Oh yeah. Also the same guy who trashed American wrestling while Japanese business is the worst it has been in years, and claiming that the NWA belt is going to take America by storm.
Let’s see, I posted THAT quote back in January (and you can read it by clicking on the link on the left-hand side of the site). It is now what, ALMOST NOVEMBER?!?!?!?!? I guess THAT one isn’t going to come true anytime soon, is it Tony?
Then again what ever HAS come true that comes out of this guy’s pie hole???
But the North Korea story gets even funnier. You see, Inoki gave as an excuse that the show was cancelled due to- get this- THE WEATHER!
Please understand. Ask any Korean War vet, and they will tell you there is nothing colder than a winter in North Korea. After all this is a country that is just three exits south of Siberia.
Here’s the problem with Inoki’s story:
THE SHOW WAS TO BE HELD INDOORS!!!
Now look, there are all types of sharpies and con-artists in this business. Lying is a way of doing business in wrestling.
But just like Yokozuna learned here last week, if you are going to WORK somebody- AT LEAST MAKE IT A GOOD STORY!!!!!
Believe it or not, it gets EVEN BETTER. Inoki said that not only did the North Korea show fall through, but his plans to bring JESSE VENTURA and get this. . MICHAEL JACKSON to the show FELL THROUGH!!!!!
OK, Tony, whatever you say.
I’m sure Jesse Ventura is going to take time from giving embarrassing Playboy Interviews and Michael Jackson molesting little boys to freeze their ASSES off with you in that country!
And another thing. I’m for world peace and all that, but what the hell is Inoki doing cavorting with a Stalinist, Commie pinko country like North Korea? Aren’t those little yellow bastards looking to fire off a nuclear missile into California or something??
MEMO TO INOKI-SAN:
SHUT THE HELL UP. EVERYTIME YOU OPEN YOUR TRAP, LIES COME OUT. THERE WILL BE NO SHOW IN NORTH KOREA. THERE WILL BE NO MICHAEL JACKSON, JESSE VENTURA OR EVEN BILL CLINTON ATTENDING YOUR SHOWS. YOU VERY VERY BAD MAN. YOU DISHONER JAPANESE CULTURE!
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Save your e-mails, Roller Derby fans. There is nothing you can say or do that will ever, EVER convince me that Roller Derby is fresh.
I used to like Roller Derby too.
When I was six.
You know what other TV show I dug when I was a six years old? Ultra-Man.
Many of you might remember Ultra-Man. He was this Japanese Jiffy-Pop looking dude that would fight monsters trying to destroy Tokyo each week on Channel 48 every afternoon at 4 p.m.. It was the coolest TV show in the world.
When I was 15, imagine the nostalgic thrill I had when I checked my TV Guide and discovered that Channel 57 was going to show Ultra-Man reruns!
Then I turned on the TV. It was then that reality set in.
The monsters were actors in bad costumes that you could buy at Spencer’s for $15.00. The spaceships hung off strings. And the cities looked like models form the local Allied Hobby Store.
The bottom line: Ultra-Man really sucked.
The same thing a week ago when I turned on ESPN Classics and got to see an old time Roller Derby match between the Los Angeles Thunderbirds and the Demons or some team like that.
Whoever. See it really is not important that I remember who the T-birds were skating against. This is because IT WAS THE SAME TEAM EVERY SINGLE F’N WEEK!!!!!
I mean, what was there only TWO TEAMS IN THE LEAGUE???? I remember as a kid watching the Philadelphia Warriors do battle with the Eastern Demons- ON EVERY SHOW!!!!!
It was worse than the Harlem Globetrotters playing basketball against the Washington Generals every game- because you knew the Trotters were an act. Roller Derby tried to make it look like it was an actual league!!!!
And the endings were SOOOO predictable. Demons are up 77-72 with 30 seconds left. Then the T-Birds would get this little short fat Mexican dude, Freddy Velasquez or something, who looked like a stuffed sausage in those Roller Derby tights, and put a goofy looking bicycle helmet on him.
You knew at this point it was all over.
The short fat Mexican dude would then be Irish-whipped by his teammates past the Demons, doing a limbo to avoid a clothesline then elbowing some big bad black dude fresh off the cast of The Streets of San Francisco over the rail and past the finish line. The T-Birds win! The T-Birds win!!!!
Give me a break.
I said it last week, and I will say it again. Whether it is on ESPN Classic or TNN- Roller Derby always has, currently does, and always will- SUCK.
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Many write e-mails to me saying that my sole purpose in life is to bash people in the wrestling industry to get cheap heat for my column and the PWBTS website.
Yeah- and your point?
But seriously ladies and germs let’s face it- there are some people that I feel go OUT OF THEIR WAY WEEK AFTER WEEK TO GET BASHED!!!!
Take FMW- Freaks, Mental cases and Whack-jobs- check that, I mean Frontier Martial Arts Wrestling for example. If you have been following this column, you would have heard by now some of the shenanigans perpetrated by this Japanese wrestling promotion.
This is the promotion in which a wrestler urinated on it’s President in the MIDDLE OF THE RING; then the VERY NEXT WEEK, you would have found out that FMW has PORN STARS booked in wrestling matches on 10/29.
Amazingly enough, FMW is BACK in the headlines once again! This time it concerns a match held this month between H, formerly Hayabusa, and Fake Hayabusa, better known as Mr. Gannosuke.
This match has an interesting stipulation as the loser must have a STICK OF DYNAMITE SHOVED UP HIS ANUS!!!
No, really, I could NOT MAKE THIS UP IF I TRIED!
That’s real nice, FMW bookers.
You know, one of the Cardinal Rules of booking is that you never screw your fans and always live up to your advertised stipulations as set in wrestling matches.
HOWEVER, I really REALLY think we can make a SLIGHT exception in this case.
I don’t know about you, but whoever wins or loses, I really have absolutely ZERO desire to see a powder keg shoved up some dudes bunghole!
I mean, whatever happened to the good old days where if you lost a match you had to retire, or lost you hair? No, now we are sticking things up our anal crevices. Something tells me that the FMW’S booker is either
a) Taking the Rock too literally;
b) Has watched the movie “Papillon” way too many times;
Or
c) Never quite got past that “anal” stage as a child!
Good job FMW. Just do me a favor. Do NOT ever, ever go out of business. Your promotion makes for great material.
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If you recall I did a take on how embarrassing and disgraceful I thought it was that WCW luchadores Pcicosis and Juventud Guerrera could barely speak English despite being in the U.S. for over 4 years!
In that take, I pointed out how Juvi has humiliated himself and all Mexican wrestlers by making several “foupas” on his promos because he can’t speak English very well.
Well, much to my embarrassment I found out that the correct spelling of the word is “faux pas”.
So here I am making fun of these two fine athletes because they are having trouble with English when I can’t even spell.
I suck.
Then again, “faux pas” IS a French word.
I don’t suck.
But as a writer, if I am going to use a word, no matter WHAT language, it behooves me spell it properly.
I DO suck.
Then again, SINCE I SPEAK FLUENT ENGLISH at least I knew enough to realize my error and point it out, unlike Juvi who continues to make embarrassing grammatical errors on WCW TV.
I don’t suck!
BUT- I also made 3 OTHER typos on that same column.
OK OK I suck!!! It will never happen again!!!!
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One more correction and frankly I’m getting really tired of doing this.
Last week I ripped Yokozuna for claiming he is main-eventing WrestleMania against Steve Austin which I thought was ridiculous when you consider Yoko’s health and that he is banned in 20 states or so.
What he ACTUALLY has been saying is that he will main against Austin AFTER WrestleMania.
But when you think about it, is that claim any less ridiculous???
In the meantime I got several emails telling me what a horrible person I was for ripping Yoko. Look, I really truly am rooting for the guy. When Yokozuna SACKS UP, gets his health together, and gets back in the ring with a major promotion, I will be the FIRST ONE to give my boy his due on this website.
In the meantime, whether it is main-eventing WrestleMania or jobbing to Prince Albert, I do NOT want to hear about Yoko F’N Zuna anymore!!!!!
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Two weeks ago I had a take on no matter HOW the WWF handles Fritz Von Erich –er Big Show Paul Wight- er Big Show Paul Von Erich’s cancer angle that it would be tasteless.
As it turns out, the angle was that the Big Bossman paid off some dude to tell Paul Von Erich that his dad died to set him off for an upcoming match.
See? Did I not tell you it would be sick? But when you dig up the background behind the idea for this sickening storyline, it actually is even more depraved!
In early 1998, JJ Dillon had the unenviable task of letting Bret Hart know that his father, Stu died right before a WCW match. Except Stu did NOT die (and I actually think he never will, God bless the guy).
It was some sick piece of human garbage that called in the report to WCW as A PRANK.
So what does the WWF do? It takes a real life incident that happened to the brother of a wrestler of theirs who REALLY DID die in the ring earlier this year, AND USE IT AS AN ANGLE. Sick! Sick, sick SICK!!!!!
But even worse, as it turns out, Paul Von Erich’s father DID die of cancer years ago! Now I guess it really is Von’s decision if he wants a personal tragedy used as a wrestling angle. But I don’t know about any of YOU out there, it CERTAINLY is NOT something I WOULD EVER DO!!!
And, yes, a cancer angle in this promotion should come as no surprise to me either.
BUT . .. as if there was not enough to pile on the WWF about, they FINALLY did an incest angle!
You know I’ve been waiting for one of these for a long time. And it is none other than Mark Henry who gets the honors.
In a Raw segment, he informs one his sex therapists that he is addicted to poomtang because he lost his virginity AT THE AGE OF EIGHT TO HIS SISTER.
Are you KIDDING ME, WWF???!!??? Oh by the way, did I mention how now Howard Finkel is now Viscera’s prison bitch? I thought Oz was on HBO on WEDNESDAY nights!!!
I shudder to think of what taboo the WWF will break out with next.
How about child molestation? That’s always a bucket of laughs. Have Terri Runnels turn her real life divorce from Dustin into a work claiming that her “homosexual” husband tried to violate their daughter. HAHAHAHAHA!!! Ratings rating RATINGS!!!
I know another good one- necrophilia! Why not have the Undertaker do a segment with Mark Henry where he tries to cure his sex addition by having him stiff stiffs in a morgue! HARDEEHARHARHARHAR!!!!!!!!!What a hoot!
Hey, Columbine was a yukfest too. Let’s have the Hardy Boys rejoin Gangrel, dress them in trenchcoats and open Raw with them kicking down the doors to the WWF dressing room blowing off nuggets into all the wrestlers?
Or the best one of them all. Have Steve Austin miss Raw because HHH cut the pressurization valves to his Lear jet . . .
Maybe I’d better stop. Sick as these ideas are, the WWF might actually use them!
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Here’s a good one. Remember Doink the Clown? Big Josh? Matt Borne? Borne Again? Well the wrestler who portrayed all those characters, Matt Osbourne is in very, very hot water.
Osbourne was arrested after testing positive for cocaine while applying for a Rhode Island wrestling license. Osbourne is in bigger trouble when you consider he is on parole after a disorderly conduct conviction in Pennsylvania.
Now I have a question. Dude is on parole. You want to keep your nose clean, no pun intended. So what do you do? You decide to snort coke then take a piss test! Reeeeal nice, Matt.
Look obviously you have a major problem. But if you’re going to violate parole by whiffing powder up your beak, wait until AFTER you apply for your wrestling license!
Timing indeed IS everything!
XXXX
You asked for it . . .well, no, actually you didn’t. But it is the story that will NOT go away . . yes, that’s right wrestling fans it is time for YOUR weekly . .
MIDGET LEAGUE FOOTBALL UPDATE!!!!!!
Just to get newcomers to this column caught up, two weeks ago I recounted a story about a heinous brawl that broke out between 100 parents and kids at the conclusion of a Midget football game between the Allentown, PA Huskies and the Pocono Mountain Cardinals. In that story I pointed out how parents who are always claiming that the WWF is a bad influence on their retarded kids, when here THEY are throwing chairs and helmets at each other!
Last week I updated you on this story reporting that both teams had to forfeit the rest of their games, all the parents had to contribute $50 to Special Olympics, and two of the parents were arrested (actually one parent was arrested; two of the players face charges in a juvenile court). All was good, and appropriate punishments were handed out, right?
Well, maybe not. Believe it or not, this week the story gets WORSE!
You would think that out of being totally embarrassed and disgraced in front of their friends, family and neighbors, that these parents would accept their medicine and lay low, right? But NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo . . . .
The Pocono Mountain Cardinals, who were 6-0 after the game, HAVE HIRED A LOW-LIFE, SCUMSUCKING BOTTOM FEEDER LAWYER AND ARE SUING TO BE REINSTATED SO THAT THEY CAN PARTICPATE IN A PLAYOFF GAME!!!!!!!!!!
Here’s the lesson these genetic freaks are teaching their kiddies: get drunk, get into fights, hit people with chairs, lie to the police, THEN SUE ANYONE THAT TRIES TO TAKE ACTION AGAINST YOU!!!!!!!!
But it’s WRESTLING that’s ruining our kids.
This is absolutely unbelievable. The basis for the lawsuit is not necessarily the suspension, but that the Blue Mountain Midget Football League did not follow due process in handing out the edict.
“All I know is they have certain rules and regulations they prescribe, and they didn’t follow them,” Pocono Mountain's Ambulance Chaser was quoted as saying. “IF THEY DIDN’T COMPLY WITH THEM, THEN THEY SHOULD SUFFER A STIFF PENALTY AS THE KIDS DID”.
Ok, Ambulance Chaser, lets talk about rules. I would imagine there is a rule against giving the coach of one of the teams seven stitches? How about a parent striking a 11 year old kid from another team? Or my favorite rule, which is in section 8, Article 4, title 5A of the Midget Football League Code:
“It is hereby a violation of the Midget Football League rules to ACT LIKE A COMPLETE A-HOLE IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS BY CRACKING OPEN ANOTHER HUMAN BEING'S DOME WITH A CHAIR.”
I have a better idea for you, White Trash Pocono Mountain Cardinals Parents. Go back to your trailers, and PRAY TO GOD that the cops do NOT show up and throw your worthless welfare collecting asses in the Big House!
That’s right, there IS a hero in this story. That is Pennsylvania State Trooper Wade L. Boston, who was called to the scene minutes after the awful melee. Boston, who is obviously as disgusted by these reject’s despicable deeds as I am, is continuing his investigation of the brawl.
Better yet, the benevolent bluecoat could care less about what some vermin lawyer does!
“I don’t care what the league does,” said the crusading copper. “If someone has to rise above this pettiness, it’s going to be me. And if someone has to do the right thing, it’s going to be me”.
Bully for you, Officer Boston.(Someone now please e-mail the Pennsylvania State police with this article so that I can get out of a future speeding ticket).
As for the Blue Mountain Midget Football league’s response to this ludicrous lawsuit? Very simple. A new league will be formed WITHOUT the two teams involved in the Battle Royale.
I think that would be a great idea. No more brawls. No more drunk parents. And no more lying to the police and filing lawsuits.
Why the Pocono Mountain Cardinals and the Allentown Huskies can form their OWN TWO TEAM LEAGUE! Think about it. Elbows and fists flying. Chairs and helmets being thrown. And the same two teams playing each other week after week. All while being cheered on by a bunch of drunks and illiterates.
Sounds a little like Roller Derby, doesn’t it?
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Next week’s UGLY TRUTH might not be up until Friday 11/5. I’m staying over in West Virginia on Wednesday night, and I’m not sure if that state has phone lines yet. Those are handy for hooking into my laptop for getting on the internet, you see.
And if have not yet already, check out the Wrestling Online Real Audio Network website to listen to the latest edition of “Layin’ the Smackdown” real audio show I do with Fritz Capp.
We did a great two-part show this past weekend that rocks, and we expect another kick-ASS show to be available in a matter of days!
Just download a free Real Player from Real.com then click on the link below!
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Oh by the way, just in case you are of low intelligence and haven’t figured it out by now and are getting ready to post it on thirty-seven different message boards . . . . that lawsuit story about the Fabulous Moolah was made up.
DAN MORELAND
"WRESTLING'S MOST BELOVED JOURNALIST
PWBTS 2000
Dan Moreland is a columnist for Pro Wrestling's Between The Sheets - for comments or opposing viewpoints please e-mail to Dan Moreland